Gay or San Franciscan
by me and Mr. Jones
Summary: This is my first real person fanfiction so please be gentle. People on the glee set are having a debate about whether new comer Darren is gay or merely San Franciscan. Read and find out what they discover!


Chris Colfer found it completely ridiculous that his co-stars were having this conversation at all. As a gay man, he would know better than the rest of them when another gay man joined the cast. Plus, Chris had known who Darren Criss was before Ryan even breathed the name. After the two of them had, had dinner the night before he now had no doubt as to whether Darren was gay or not. The rest of the cast and crew however, was not so convinced either way.

Zach stood next to Ryan, Ian, Mark, Leah, and Diana as they studied poor, unknowing Darren, who was talking to Kevin, laughing at whatever Kevin had said. Chris wouldn't deny, he'd had a crush on Darren not that long ago, but now, he was over it and just looked forward to working with the man who had been Harry "Freaking" Potter on youtube.

"You cannot tell me that, that boy is straight, I mean look at him." Zach said, motioning to Darren. Chris just rolled his eyes and went back to writing his script on his laptop. He glanced up and Darren had his hand on Kevin's shoulder, telling him something, using wild gestures with his other hand.

_There! Right There!__  
__Look at that tan, that tinted skin.__  
__Look at the killer shape he's in.__  
__Look at that slightly stubbly chin. __  
__Oh Please he's gay, totally gay._

Though he was a chorographer, Zach also happened to have a decent singing voice. Chris looked up at him, and sighed, he wasn't even going to comment.

_I'm not about to celebrate.__  
__Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.__  
__This guy's not gay, I say not gay.__  
_

Chris smirked as Ryan put his foot down that Darren was not gay. Only on a glee set would grown men burst into song with no real reason and no one thought anything of it. Ryan was looking at him to back him up but Chris pretended not to see and looked pointedly at his computer screen.

__  
_That is the elephant in the room.__  
__Well is it relevant to assume__  
__that a man who wears perfume__  
__is automatically radically fey?__  
_

Chris couldn't figure out why they were so obsessed about it in the first place, it wasn't like it was going to make any difference either way. Darren got the part because he was the best for it. He and Chris had great chemistry during the auditions and lucking Chris had managed not to fangirl until after, at which point Darren admitted he was proud of himself for not squealing at being able to audition opposite Chris. It turned out they were both huge fans of the other, Chris felt honored to have Darren on his fan list.

_But look at his coiffed and crispy locks._

Mark sang now and Chris rolled his eyes, it's not like straight guys couldn't have great hair too… Given the guys on Glee were not the best examples for that argument.

_Look at his silk translucent socks.__  
_

Chris sighed, they were singing that because that was the line, because Darren was dressed like a normal man, jeans and a Michigan tee-shirt, plus his socks were lime green not, silk or translucent.

_There's the eternal paradox.__  
__Look what we're seeing._

Chris couldn't figure out why Ryan was playing into this argument.__

_What are we seeing?_Zach asked.

_Is he gay? _

_Of course he's gay. _Zach claimed,

_Or San Franciscan?_

Chris chuckled at Ryan's change in the lyrics and as everyone singing got even more into the song and pulled away from each other slowly.

_ohhhhhh.__  
__Gay or San Franciscan?__  
__It's hard to guarantee__  
__Is he gay or San Franciscan?__  
_

Just then Cory walked up to them, and it seemed he had realized what the other were doing. Chris found it funny that he knew the next line,

_Well, hey don't look at me._

Leah smirked at Cory and put her hand flirtatiously on his arm, Chris knew it was only a matter of time that they'd be together, though at the moment Leah had a boyfriend that she would never cheat on so, for now he'd have to wait to collect his bet money from Diana.

_You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.__  
__They play peculiar sports.__  
__In shiny shirts and tiny shorts._

Leah motioned to Darren as she sang. Darren could see he was now the center of a conversation and he looked at Chris confused. Chris just rolled his eyes and waved his hand causally so Darren would know that it wasn't anything for him to worry about.

_Gay or foreign fella?__  
__The answer could take weeks.__  
__They will say things like "ciao bella"__  
__while they kiss you on both cheeks.___

Chris sighed, Darren had studied Italian in college so it wasn't that surprising that they had heard him speaking Italian, though he was sure Darren didn't kiss people on both cheeks.

_Oh please.__  
_

Chris wanted to know how these people knew the lyrics so well to a song in **Legally Blonde**. It made him judge them all just a little.

_Gay or European?__  
__So many shades of gray.__  
_

Chris smirked as Darren did a dance move, prompted by Kevin, both of them laughing happily. He was glad everyone was welcoming him so well, even though he wouldn't be going to McKinley as far as Chris knew. Depending on how the audience accepted Darren, he knew then Ryan would decide what to do with them. Chris really hoped the audience like Darren, he was a dork like Chris, and Chris could see being good friends with the curly haired geek.

_Depending on the time of day, L.A. goes either way._

Chris's head snapped up at Cory's words…

"What?" he breathed as the taller teen seemed pleased with himself at the improve skills he had just acquired._  
_  
_Is he gay or European?__  
__or-___

Suddenly Ian pointed to Darren who was smirking at Kevin before positively beaming as he caught sight of a boy with hair down to his ears who Chris recognized immediately as being one of Darren's best friends.

_There! Right There!__  
__Look at that condescending smirk.__  
__Seen it on every guy at work.__  
__That is a metro hetero jerk.__  
__That guy's not gay, I say no way.__  
_

"Wow, way to be rude, Ian," Mark teased their co-writer who merely shrugged and looked back at Darren

_That is the elephant in the room.__  
__Well is it relevant to presume__  
__that a hottie in that costume__  
_

Darren run up and threw his arms around the new comer, who then proceeded to jump up and wrap his legs around Darren's waist. Chris chuckled lightly, as they acted as if they hadn't seen each other in months when Chris knew they were living together._  
_  
_Is automatically-radically_

Zach seemed fairly pleased with himself as Darren spun around with the other boy latched to him._  
_

_Ironically chronically _

Ryan kept trying to catch Chris's eyes, but Chris was giving them no such pleasure.

_Certainly pertin'tly _

Leah studied to two men who had finally detached from each other and were talking excitedly. Chris waved at the man he'd met last night when Darren had offered to introduce them. He practically skipped over to Chris, who laughed and accepted the hug that he had come to recognize as Starkids' way of greeting anyone they knew.

"Hey, how are you?" Chris asked, grinning as Darren pouted slightly.

"You introduced us man, if you didn't want us to be friends why introduce two

awesome people such as ourselves?" Chris hoped Darren was being welcomed into Chris's group of friends as easily as Joey had welcomed him.

___Genetically medically__  
_

Chris had to admit he had grown to appreciate affection that the men he'd met lately gave willing without a second thought. In high school he'd gotten used to other boys avoiding him like he had a disease do as not to "catch the gay" but no one here cared. Darren especially seemed as comfortable being around Chris as he did any other person, it was a nice change.

_GAY!__  
__OFFICIALLY GAY!__  
__OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY_

Just then Darren turned and smirked and winking seductively at one of the extras who grinned back at him.

"Wow," Joey said, "You've been here a day and you're already hitting on everyone." Darren smirked and shrugged,

___DAMNIT!_

_Gay or San Franciscan_?

Joey paused when he realized what they were singing as Darren headed off to talk to someone else, knowing Joey was safe with Chris.

"Are they singing what I think they are singing?" Joey whispered to Chris, Chris sighed,

"Welcome to the Glee set." Joey laughed,

"That's amazing." Chris smirked, and rolled his eyes,

"Yeah they can't decide one way or the other."

"Well you know don't you?" Joey asked looking up at Darren who was motioning to him and talking to Kevin.

"Yeah, I know," Chris nodded.

_So stylish and relaxed._

Ryan sang, and both Chris and Joey raised an eyebrow,

"Stylish? Are you sure he's talking about Darren?" Chris nodded,

"Apparently they are just going with the lyrics as opposed to the actual person."

"Clearly," Joey laughed motioning to Darren, "Because Darren is a bum."

_Is he gay or San Franciscan?_

Ryan studied Darren for a moment before tilting his head to the side and singing,

_I think his chest is waxed._

Both Chris and Joey stared at the show's creator at that line, before looking at each other and Joey shook his head, thoroughly amused that this was something went on at his friend's new job.

_But they bring their boys up different there.__  
__It's culturally diverse.__  
__It's not a fashion curse._

_If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.__  
__Gay or just exotic?__  
__I still can't crack the code._

Leah sang as Darren did a small twirl, laughing,

"He's not helping his case at all," Joey said. Chris smirked, shrugging,

"You'll never see me twirling like that unless I'm in character."

"Oh I know, I wouldn't have believed you were gay if you hadn't come out, you're like the straightest gay guy I've ever met." Chris looked at Joey for a moment,

"Thanks…. I think?" Joey laughed,

"I don't know if that was an insult or not either," soon they were both laughing and Darren was looking at them confused and pretended to be jealous._  
_

_Yet his accent is hypnotic__  
__but his shoes are pointy toed_.

Diana sung, even though Darren didn't have pointy-toed shoes, but rather a pair of converses.

_Huh.__  
__Gay or European?__  
__So many shades of gray.__  
_  
_But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday._

Diana's words caused Joey to jerk his head to her,

"And what if he's not free, huh? What if he's got plans with… someone else." Chris chuckled and comfortingly patted Joey's shoulder.

"Movie night, huh?" Chris asked. Joey pouted and nodded,

"We're watching Mulan." Chris smirked,

"I'm sure he'll be there, Joey, he wouldn't bail on you." Joey huffed, glaring at the blonde girl daringly.

_Is he gay or European?__  
__gay or european?__  
__Gay or Euro-__  
_

Suddenly Mark held up his hands,

_Wait a minute!_

_Give me a chance to crack this guy.__  
__I have an idea I'd like to try.___

Chris rolled his eyes but Ryan motioned to Darren,

_The floor is yours._

Mark stalked up to Darren who smiled at him, his expression only faltering when he saw the look in Mark's eyes. He quickly found Chris who smiled warmly and motioned for Darren to just go alone with it.

_So Mr. Criss...__  
__How long have you been acting for...?_

Mark's question caused Darren to smile,

"For as long as I can remember," Darren claimed.

_And name of your theater group again is...?_

"Starkid," Darren said beaming with pride, and Chris couldn't help but notice that Joey too seemed to puff up slightly at the word of their creation. Mark smirked and went for it,

_And your boyfriend's name is...?__  
_

Darren looked taken aback for a moment but then he looked at Chris and Joey, both who were close to laughing, and it seemed Darren finally caught on as he flashed a grin in their direction.

"Joe," Darren said, instantly everyone within hearing range gasped, Chris and Joey included. It only took Darren a moment to realize what he'd said. "I'm sorry! I misunderstood. You said boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Joe is my _best _friend."

Joey leaped to his feet, pointing at Darren,

_You bastard!__  
__You lying bastard!__  
__That's it.__  
__I no cover for you, no more_!

_Peoples.__  
__I have a big announcement.__  
__This man is gay and San Franciscian_  
_you've got to stop your being__  
__a completely closet case.__  
__No matter what he say.__  
__I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.__  
__You are so gay_

_You big parfait._

Darren looked at Chris who had his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.

"I am straight!" Darren quickly said,

_You were not yesterday.__  
__So if I may, I'm proud to say,__  
__He is gay!_

Darren looked at Joey as if offended, placing his hand over his heart as if he had been wounded by the other boy's words. Everyone but Darren, Joey and Chris looked thoroughly confused,

_He's gay?_

Zach sang excitedly, looking from Darren to Chris to Joey._  
_

_And San Franciscan!_

Everyone including Chris and Joey joined in.

_He's gay_

Joey sang, throwing his arm around Darren, pulling him to him, holding him close, chest to chest.

_And San Franciscan and gay_!

Darren sighed heavily, laying his head on Joey's shoulder,

_Fine okay I'm gay._

Everyone jumped in the air, with one hand stabbing the air. Chris just looked on, judging, but by this point trying everything he could to keep from laughing.

_Hooray!_

Everyone sang, far too excited about the answer for Chris's liking. When they were finished Darren chuckled,

"Okay, so why were you singing about me being gay or San Franciscan?"

"They think you're gay," Chris stated deadpanned. Darren laughed,

"So I gathered, I should tell Mia, she'll get a kick out of it."

"Well you have to admit Dare, you are the gayest straight man ever," Joey teased his friend. Zach looked confused and slightly upset,

"Mia?" Zach asked.

"My girlfriend," Darren explained. "Joe is my best friend, NOT my boyfriend,"

"I thought I was your best friend!" Joey said. Darren patted his head condescendingly,

"Sure you are." Joey pouted and then looked over at Chris, Chris smiled and nudged Joey,

"There is only one way to settle this, you and me, we'll be best friends." Chris stepped back and grabbed a water bottle and threw it at Joey. Joey caught it laughing, before he threw his arm around Chris.

"It's all I've ever wanted," Joey played along and grinning from ear to ear that Chris knew the series so well. Darren had said he had, but Chris hadn't exactly spouted lines to him the night before. "Chris, you're amazing, can I move in with you instead of Darren?"

"Sure, I've got a spare room," Chris offered.

"I don't know how I feel about this," Darren said, looking at Chris. Chris looked over and caught Darren smiling softly as he and Joey chatted about Starkid, he smiled hesitantly, making sure Darren actually was okay with all of this. Darren grinned him and winked playfully and Chris beamed right as Joey invited him over to watch the University of Michigan football game the next Saturday.

"I'd love to!" Chris agreed. So Darren was only San Franciscan, it didn't matter, what mattered was that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, for all parties involved.

"I told you he wasn't gay," Chris heard Ryan say as they went back to work. Zach shoved Ryan playfully,

"Like you didn't think he was too. He's gayer than Chris for Christ sake's!"


End file.
